Kaiba's Curse
by Internet Goddess Lain
Summary: The funniest story EVER! Kaiba goes on a trip to Egypt to find his inheritence...but his inheritence is a girl!
1. Default Chapter

Hi oh! Welcome to Himiko's and Lain's fanfiction! I, Lain, shall be writing this and Himiko shall be telling me what to write. Himiko and I are now arguing on whether this will be rated PG-13 or PG. Well, enjoy the story in which there will be a TON of swearing (if I have my way.)

Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! but we do own the original character Remcinish. If you want to use her in your own fanfiction, contact the Lain and ask her.

Deticaded to: Remcinish

Kaiba's Curse (in disguise)

BIG-ASS AIRPLANE

_"Why fg hell am I doing this?''_ Seto Kaiba thought as he rubbed his head; he had hit it because of the turbulence.

"Dammit" The airplane wavered again and spilt his coffee all over his blue leather pants. The attention of the entire section of First Class focused on Kaiba.

He turned to Isis. ''What the hell are you smiling at?'' Kaiba spat at her and then turned his gaze on the window, though it was closed.

"Don't be so pissy, Kaiba. Remember why you're going to Egypt." Isis narrowed her eyes.

"Since when do you say 'pissy'? And no, I don't know why I'm going. Maybe the last eight bumps on my head knocked that information out of me but as I do happen to recall, you never explained the reason very thoroughly."

"I'll tell you when we're there. Besides, you get to keep that card, Obilisk The Tormenter if you don't run off." Isis smugly sipped her coffee.

"You said it rightfully belonged to me in the first place in addition to the Sennen Rod. I see neither, Isis." Kaiba looked over at the dark skinned woman and glared.

"You'll get the three things I promised you when we get to our destination."

''I could easily have you killed.''

''Hmmm...''

"You never mentioned a third item."

''We're not there yet. Be patiant.''

'' 'Patiance' is not in my vocabulary.''

''I thought you had a rather large vocabulary, Kaiba.''

'' Go to hell _Isis dear_.''

''I don't know what your problem is. You and Mokuba are getting a free ride to Egypt, _Kaiba darling_.'' Isis huffed.

"Not like I need it. I could buy this plane and several others with the change in my couch cushions.'' Kaiba looks over at the sleeping Mokuba who happened to be drooling on his older brother's trademark trenchcoat. "You better hope for your own personal safety that I get something out of this besides a ruined outfit."

''It will be well worth your while Kaiba. I can assure you. Now take a hint from your brother and try to get some sleep." Isis said rather soothingly.

''Up your's, _sweetie_.''

''I love you too, _cupcake_.''

CAIRO AIRPORT

"You said you'd give them to me when we got here, Isis." Kaiba said irratibly.

"Hold on"

'I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!'' Mokuba cut in, whining and doing a little dance. ( Heh heh)

"Kaiba, we haven't reached out destination yet. It's about fifteen kilometers to the temple"

'BATHROOM! I NEED to go, Seto" Mokuba tugged on his older brother's trenchcoat.

''It's your damn fault that you drank three soda's every hour, on the hour! I have no sympathy for you whatsoever. Besides, there's a bathroom over there, on your right." Kaiba pointed to a sign in Arabic. Mokuba rushed off and Kaiba noticed Isis smiling.

"Do I NEED to ask why you're smiling again? What are we waiting for?'' Kaiba paced, shoving people out of the way as he walked.

"At the moment, your baby brother."

"Listen, smart-ass, it may look like it but I haven't got all day! Why are we going to a temple anyway"

''It is your destiny." Isis said solemly.

''Oh HELL no! You and Mutou won't stop with that shit! Just give me a straight answer.''

"Ok then. We're going to see the keeper of Remcinish."

"Oh thank you Isis. Now I _really_ know what's going on."

Suddenly, a big sigh of relief comes from the depths of the crowd and there stood Mokuba smiling and satisfied until his older brother asked "Did you wash your hands, Mokuba"

As quickly as he had come, the mini-Kaiba was trotting back to the bathroom.

Kaiba groaned, grabbing his throbbing head as he asked "Why wasn't I an only child"

Isis looked shocked. "How can you say that? Just because he forgot to wash his hands"

''He went into the girls bathroom. I don't think anyone noticed. I _knew _ I shouldn't have let him wear eyeliner" Kaiba groaned.

"Isis Ishtar" A short, bald, fat, dark-skinned man tapped Isis on the shoulder. "The keeper of Remcinish is expecting you." The man motioned to a small yellow cab.

"Thank you for your help. Kaiba, could you get Mokuba so we can leave" Isis asked as sweetly as she could.

But that was not nessacery for Mokuba had reappeared. He looked shocked, eyeing the dingy cab.

"We're...we're going _first class_, right Seto"

Too tired to argue after neglecting the advice of his female excort (cough cough) Kaiba just climbed into the cab.

DINGY YELLOW CAB

Hoping to find some answers _without_ the destiny shit, Kaiba asked the "mysterious" guide a few questions.

"_Without _ the destiny shit, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

''Ask away, Seth.''

''WITHOUT the destiny SHIT, remember"

"Where would you like me to start?''

''The BEGINNING, dumb-ass."

"Well, my parents met over the internet. Do you know what the internet is"

''I _own_ most of the internet. And I didn't mean _that_ far behind. I'm interested in the temple."

_Five minutes later..._

"WELL" Kaiba yelled, losing his patiance.

''Uh, well, I knew this guy see. Sethie, yeah Sethie. He tried to take over the world but it didn't work very well. Very powerful sorcerer and he knew peolple in high places, see? Had his own city and uh, was powerful.''

''Get to the damned point, damn you! You know my trench coat cost more than your family makes in six generations which now has drool and coke on it-''

''If you don't mind me asking sir, why the hell are you wearing a trench coat in the middle of the desert"

''Got to keep up appearances you baka. Besides, it's cotton, it _breathes_. I also wear it so my Georgio Armani shirt will not be drooled on by a caffine-guzzling thirteen-year-old boy who must preoccupy himself by drinking three Dr. Peppers, four Sprites, six Cherry Cokes, and one VERY large Mr.Pibb, all of which ended up on my trench coat through turbulance or drool.''

"B-but, it wasn't the Coke's fault!'' Mokuba said with tears in his eyes.

''Don't cry. You'll smear your eyeliner.'' Kaiba mumbled. "Now back to your story, Mr...''

"Haster, Hobbie Haster.''

''Oh. My. Gawd! Are you the founder of Haster Hobbie's?'' Mokuba's eyes lit up.

''No offence gender-confused spoiled rotten thriteen year old with no fashion sense, but I have no idea what you're talking about. But I do know a thing or two about that temple and your brother's, er, _Sethie's_ past.'' (wink wink, nudge nudge)

''Hey! Yugi, Bakura, Otogi, and Malik wear eyeliner but no one calls them gender-confused.'' Mokuba's temper was on the rise.

"Do you want to hear the story or not!'' Haster was getting POed the two rich bastards in the back seat. (Hee hee! POed!)

Ohiyo! Himiko and I just want to clarify a few things. WE LOVE MOKUBA! _Almost_ as much as we love Kaiba, but not quite. And just because Kaiba wears Georgio Armarni shirts does NOT mean he's gay! One other thing, Isis. And. Kaiba. Are. Not. A. COUPLE! And they never will be so there! By the way, in Utah, where Himiko and Lain live, there's a card shop called "Haster Hobbies". Now back to the story

"Do you want to hear the story or not"

''Proceed Mr. Asking-for-a-death-wish." Kaiba glared.

''Well, in ancient times, Egyptians played a game, the same one you play. You LOST! You got yer ass creamed, money-bags!''

''Have you been talking to Jonouchi?''

''Eh? I saw it on HBO! We at the temple keep a very close eye on you.''

"Why couldn't I have had a fan club of cute girls instead of a bunch of ugly old men! Did I say that out loud?''

''_I'm _ in you fan club, Seto...'' Isis said batting her eyes.

AWKWARD SILENCE... (Theme of Jeprody plays)

''On with the story PLEASE!'' Kaiba said, pretending not to see or hear Isis.

"The last anyone saw of the powerful sorcerer, he was going off to fight the Pharoh. He left one of his prized possesions, Remcinish, in the hands of the Head Preist of ancient Morayama which was under the command of Sethie. He never returned and the city of Morayama was destroyed, sunk underneath the sand and only the Head Priest of Sethie and Remcinish survived. Knowing that Sethie would one day return, the priest and his family, generation after generation, guarded Remcinish and await his return. The End."

"Whatever baldy." Kaiba muttered.

"Hey! I'm not bald, I'm follicly challanged." Haster squeeked.

"Isis, let me guess. I'm the reincarnation of Seth/Sethie. We're going to the temple to pick up Remcinish.''

''Oooh! Perceptive! Maybe you are a super genius. An asshole, but a super genius." Isis smiled evily.

''Isis you dumb shit! Even _I_ figured that out.'' Mokuba pinched her. He was in the middle of the seat, playing peacemaker to avoid WW111 between the Egyptologist and his big brother.

"So _when_ are we getting to this temple" Kaiba asked irratibly.

"We're here right now!'' Haster sighed a long, joyfelt, sigh.

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! This is Himiko and Lain here, (actually, it's more like Lain because Himiko is reading Animerica.) Now, on with the story!

Mokuba, upon hearing they were at their destination, crawled over Seto's lap, kneeing him in places not to be mentioned in PG-13 fanfiction.

''Woah! That's a big-ass temple." Mokuba said with awe while standing in front of the big-ass temple. "Oh, did I say that out loud?" He blinked his large, innocent eyes. ''I don't think I said 'ass' exactly. Sounded more like 'arse'. Didn't that sound like 'arse' to you?"

"Shut up and get off of me or I will become an only child!" Seto pushed his younger brother out of the car window. ( oh, by the way, the car had stopped.)

The temple was a large round building which at first glace would have seemed to be a mansion for a wealthy benifactor. Really looking at the temple you got the feeling that it served some greater purpose; a holy place.

Hastor led Isis, Seto, and Mokuba (who was limping pitifully) into the large lobby.

''Why the hell does this temple have a lobby? Is this a hotel?" Seto asked.

''It would appear to be that way but it is a temple. It is where the decendants of your-I mean Sethie's followers live and thrive

but I am sure he would of wanted you to use it to your advantage."

"Advantage meaning what? Are there girls here?"

"Not a girl, _the_ girl. What did you think Remcinish was? A candy bar?" Hastor laughed.

"Oh yeah, Sethie's babe.''

Just then a tall skinny man with alabastor skin and a white beard came into the room, walked to Seto and bowed gracefully.

''Aw dammit, these people think I'm Sethie."

''Did you want an autograph?" Mokuba asked brightly. "I got some preprinted ones in the cab. Made them myself. I'm a master forger you know, how do you think I get all my money?''

But the old man didn't move.

Isis whispered. ''Tell the man he can get up! Everyone in this temple is under your command.''

''Oh _really_? You, there, old geezer, do the chicken dance, I command thee!" Seto ordered.

CHICKEN DANCE PLAYS LOUDLY

And sure enough the man danced. Now we're not exactly going to describe it but just picture Dumbledore getting funky. After Seto Kaiba was done sizzeling his eyes he commanded the old geezer to stop. Turning to Isis he asked, "Who is this crackpot?"

"The keeper of Remcinish.''

The old man spoke up, "I'm so glad you have brought Master Seth here at last. but I suggest we hurry, we don't have much time. You must get to the city of Morayama by sunset tomorrow.''

Da-da-dum! What will happen to our brave, but stupid, heroes? Find out by reviewing!


End file.
